Bailey overcomes simian scars

As with all England touring sides, we have bolstered our ranks with the news that Steve Bailey will be available for the three matches in Mumbai. Bailey, in form on the back of ducks in both outings in 2006, refused to join the early part of the trip to nortern India after an incident in 1979 where he was mugged by a gang of monkeys at the Taj Mahal. “I was young, bowlheaded and unschooled in the harsh realities of simian pugilism in which apparently the Queensberry rules do not apply,” Bailey explained. “The emotional scars have largely healed. I achieved some closure by revisiting the scene of the attack in 2005, but I still have an irrational fear of PG tips and was unable to watch Planet of the Apes (although that may have been because it was crap).”