Plan B fails to deliver in drubbing at East Horsley
East Horsley 127 for 5 (Clarence-Smith 3-22) beat Old Cranleighans 124 by five wickets
After several years where we have won with a degree of ease at East Horsley, Ed Henderson’s Plan B for a good, more balanced afternoon out in leafy Surrey was to field a gentler OC side of golden oldies and less regular younger guns with a few genuine cricketers. Sadly, this coincided with East Horsley deciding they had had enough of being thumped and so putting out a strong XI including poaching the in-form Ollie Davis from our ranks (in fairness his house backs onto the ground but still …). The net result was a drubbing that only four late wickets gave any semblance of respectability to.
After a committee decision on winning the toss, we batted. This was in no way due to almost everyone getting lost on route a ground which seems determined to remain one of life's undiscovered secrets. Gareth Starling was the last to arrive some 30 minutes late after a major row with his TomTom and was rewarded with a duck.
Although we lost Steve Bailey early on to the first of several stunning catches, all seemed calm as we eased to 41 for 1. Eddie Hamilton, who only volunteered the fact he had never batted above No. 11 at school after he had convinced Henderson to let him open, justified his faith in himself with 21 and Charlie Clarence-Smith also looked untroubled. Then the wheels came off.
Clarence-Smith drilled a ball straight to short extra cover and that brought in Mark Colgate. Buoyed by his fifty at Headley, he brought his entire family down to watch. They sat shivering in the bitter cold as he strode to the middle, was given leg-before first ball and strode back. He took out his frustration on his young son who he “smashed for 150 on the practice pitch”. His family departed soon after Colgate senior reached that landmark. It is suspected his son will never want to come to cricket again.
A rattle of wickets left us 55 for 5, the procession of batsmen to and from the middle only exceeded by the number of times Damon Hill ambled back to change bat. At one stage the shortage of options meant he was given back the first one he had discarded. He didn't notice, smacked a mighty six and then holed out. Tristan Rosenfeldt played some attractive shots before his questionable stamina was challenged by two all-run twos in as many deliveries and, wheezing, he missed a straight one. Fittingly, the innings ended in a comedy run-out.
In the field we got an early breakthrough but then were put to the sword by some merciless batting. At this point it may be worth mentioning that Jonny Gates did not volunteer to keep wicket so his passing impression of something whose sole purpose was to deflect the ball rather than stop it can be forgiven. On the few occasions, not all intentional, he got a glove to the ball there was not so much the cushioning plop as it was taken as much as a loud clang. It was a cruel way to treat someone who, as he may have mentioned a few times, took 7 for 84 a few weeks earlier … “Meaker also went for 84 for Surrey the same day off the same number of overs but he only got one wicket” …
A nine-wicket humiliation appeared likely before Clarence-Smith snaffled three wickets in two overs, exploiting the low bounce for anything pitched up. He is now in double figures for the season and if previous years are anything to go by, he is odds-on for the bowling cup. Henderson got a late reward for some good bowling but we were done, dusted beered and on our way home by 6.30pm. Had it not been like a chilly November afternoon then we might have minded more.
After several years where we have won with a degree of ease at East Horsley, Ed Henderson’s Plan B for a good, more balanced afternoon out in leafy Surrey was to field a gentler OC side of golden oldies and less regular younger guns with a few genuine cricketers. Sadly, this coincided with East Horsley deciding they had had enough of being thumped and so putting out a strong XI including poaching the in-form Ollie Davis from our ranks (in fairness his house backs onto the ground but still …). The net result was a drubbing that only four late wickets gave any semblance of respectability to.
After a committee decision on winning the toss, we batted. This was in no way due to almost everyone getting lost on route a ground which seems determined to remain one of life's undiscovered secrets. Gareth Starling was the last to arrive some 30 minutes late after a major row with his TomTom and was rewarded with a duck.
Although we lost Steve Bailey early on to the first of several stunning catches, all seemed calm as we eased to 41 for 1. Eddie Hamilton, who only volunteered the fact he had never batted above No. 11 at school after he had convinced Henderson to let him open, justified his faith in himself with 21 and Charlie Clarence-Smith also looked untroubled. Then the wheels came off.
Clarence-Smith drilled a ball straight to short extra cover and that brought in Mark Colgate. Buoyed by his fifty at Headley, he brought his entire family down to watch. They sat shivering in the bitter cold as he strode to the middle, was given leg-before first ball and strode back. He took out his frustration on his young son who he “smashed for 150 on the practice pitch”. His family departed soon after Colgate senior reached that landmark. It is suspected his son will never want to come to cricket again.
A rattle of wickets left us 55 for 5, the procession of batsmen to and from the middle only exceeded by the number of times Damon Hill ambled back to change bat. At one stage the shortage of options meant he was given back the first one he had discarded. He didn't notice, smacked a mighty six and then holed out. Tristan Rosenfeldt played some attractive shots before his questionable stamina was challenged by two all-run twos in as many deliveries and, wheezing, he missed a straight one. Fittingly, the innings ended in a comedy run-out.
In the field we got an early breakthrough but then were put to the sword by some merciless batting. At this point it may be worth mentioning that Jonny Gates did not volunteer to keep wicket so his passing impression of something whose sole purpose was to deflect the ball rather than stop it can be forgiven. On the few occasions, not all intentional, he got a glove to the ball there was not so much the cushioning plop as it was taken as much as a loud clang. It was a cruel way to treat someone who, as he may have mentioned a few times, took 7 for 84 a few weeks earlier … “Meaker also went for 84 for Surrey the same day off the same number of overs but he only got one wicket” …
A nine-wicket humiliation appeared likely before Clarence-Smith snaffled three wickets in two overs, exploiting the low bounce for anything pitched up. He is now in double figures for the season and if previous years are anything to go by, he is odds-on for the bowling cup. Henderson got a late reward for some good bowling but we were done, dusted beered and on our way home by 6.30pm. Had it not been like a chilly November afternoon then we might have minded more.
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