Bandit Gates wins OCCC Golf Day

In the most blatant mugging since Henry Watkinson smacked an 11-year-old for five sixes in an over at Headley, Jonny Gates won the inaugural OCCC Golf Day at Hurtmore.

Gates, somehow claiming a handicap of 18, went round in six over par, a figure which would have been even more remarkable had he not taken a four-over eight at the 18th in a desperate bid not to look the hustler he clearly is.  He also won the longest drive at the 9th and the closest to the pin at the 16th.

Alan Cope, fresh from a weekend at Celtic Manor, came second with Peter Rollings third. Jock “I can hit the ball 340 yards” Vickers came last, proving that while he can indeed smack the ball a long way, rarely is it in anything resembling a straight line.

Vickers gathers his senses after being nutted 

He also provided the entertainment for the afternoon when hit flush on the head by a Watkinson four wood from 100 yards away, going down like the proverbial sack of shit. The blow did him no harm as he played his best golf on the hole that followed before resuming his usual game and smacking three balls into the road.

Penalties for going into bunkers and water were levied and as a result £110 was raised for the Teenage Cancer Trust in memory of Jake Andrews.

 Many thanks to Michael Chetwode for organising the event.

Gates prepares to burgle at the 9th