Three out of three

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By now under pressure after two defeats and with the resignation of another captain ringing in his ears, Eds Copleston promised changes and a new purpose for the game at Constantia Vitsig, a glorious little ground nestled in a vineyard. He even took those members of the XI who didn’t tell him where to stick it on a pre-match run. For 20 overs it seemed a corner had been turned only for us to run slap bang into a massive brick wall.

One problem was that despite the youth and size of the squad, injuries were taking their toll and so we went into the match with four front-line bowlers and only one able to take anything more than a four-pace run-up. After a rollicking start, the guile of Chetwode, Cope and Matt Crump (reduced to bowling spin because of a detaching toenail that belonged in a museum of horrors) reduced Constantia to 98 for 5 in the 19th over. All was well. Except Eds was left without any of the four to bowl the last seven overs. Putting his faith in Langmead and Hill was a bold move that didn’t quite work as those overs yielded 109 runs. Langmead 4-0-58-1, Hill 3-0-50-0. Gray, Constantia’s opener, made an excellent 129*including nine sixes, as they posted 268 for 8.

The talk at the break was of the need for a positive start, but we lost Rosenfeldt in the third over (although he did score his first run in five innings in South Africa) and by the end of the tenth over we were 30 for 3 with Cope and Matt Crump out. From then on it was only ever going to be a face-saving exercise. Copleston briefly sparked with 26, Gates played himself into some form with 25, Hill bludgeoned 30 and Langmead at the end made 38*, but it was another heavy defeat by 91 runs.

After fines and the passing of Dick of the Day to Hill for his bowling, we dined at one of South Africa’s best restaurants where we managed to behave. For about half an hour. The napkins were knotted, the wine flowed and Chetwode muttered “don’t any of you know how to behave in a real restaurant” more than once. We were joined by the Johnsons who had decamped to a luxury villa on the estate for the remainder of their tour, a move which was widely condemned in public and envied in private.