Capello ruins a day out in East Horsley

East Horsley 238 for 6 beat Old Cranleighans 237 for 7 (Howard 74, Shapland 50, Hume 44, Chetwode 38) by one run

The annual match against East Horsley was all rather peculiar. What should have been a sleepy afternoon’s cricket in glorious late-June sunshine turned out to be a disjointed limited-over slog. Like much this weekend, it was all Fabio Capello’s fault.

Had his overpaid fools been even half good then England would have been knocked out of the World Cup 24 hours earlier and nobody would have cared less about the Germans playing the USA. As it was, East Horsley only managed to raise an XI with assurances the cricket would halt for the football. This, and the consequential need to play a 30-over match, we found out on arrival. Mike Chetwode and Steve Isaac had their first minor fit of the day, not being particularly into either football or limited-overs cricket.

Chetwode takes up the story. “After getting over the shock, Johnny Gates won the toss (I've no idea who won the toss but let's blame him) and elected to field first on the hottest day of the year. Chetwode and Isaac had another fit. Eight overs later, our opening attack with a combined age of 92 retired having kept the young guns of East Horsley down to something approaching nine an over. Ed Henderson and Ru Hume then took up the attack and kept the rate reasonably in check at the same time as picking up regular wickets (two each, I believe). Gates finally bought himself on and managed to drop his usual dolly. This time it was off his own bowling. A final total of 238 off thirty overs left us with quite a lot to do.”

Despite the eagerness to watch the World Cup, Chetwode had won a minor victory. “I told Gates (and anyone else within earshot) that once we'd started, we weren't going to stop until we'd bowled the thirty overs so, 1:30 to about 3:30 then back out at about 4:20 (after a couple of Jerries had sunk the good ship I suggested there wasn't much point in watching anymore and I wanted to get back to watch Top Gear).”

In 1995 we had made a similar arrangement to allow us to watch the Rugby World Cup semi-final between England and Jonah Lomu. Another one-sided affair, and another mutually agreed earlier return to cricket as interest in events in South Africa dissipated.


“Five goals later (should have been six, apparently) and we headed back out with about 20 minutes of the poofball to go. Nathan Ross, in his farewell appearance before returning to Australia, didn't last long but Hume and Mark Shapland pushed the scoring along. Hume was caught behind trying to smote another boundary but Shapland and Will Howard upped the scoring rate.

“Howard went to a very good fifty and fours and sixes were interspersed with conversation about Shappers' sex life. The umpire wanted to know more. Enough said here, though. Shapland got to a maiden OC fifty playing very straight and then ran out of steam. Once Howard, Shapland and Rob Merry (another one off to Australia within the week) went in quick succession, we needed fifty odd off four overs. Merry T was starting to open his shoulders and, along with Chetwode got the target down to ten off the last over. A six off the second ball got the target down to four off four but Chetwode was bowled trying to hit the winning boundary. Three were needed for a win off the last ball, and Tom Merry was run out going for the second which gave East Horsley a win by one run.

“A very good day only spoilt by some of the young oppo believing that England had a hope of beating Germany and wanting to watch. That'll teach them!”