Capello ruins a day out in East Horsley

East Horsley 238 for 6 beat Old Cranleighans 237 for 7 (Howard 74, Shapland 50, Hume 44, Chetwode 38) by one run

The annual match against East Horsley was all rather peculiar. What should have been a sleepy afternoon’s cricket in glorious late-June sunshine turned out to be a disjointed limited-over slog. Like much this weekend, it was all Fabio Capello’s fault.

Had his overpaid fools been even half good then England would have been knocked out of the World Cup 24 hours earlier and nobody would have cared less about the Germans playing the USA. As it was, East Horsley only managed to raise an XI with assurances the cricket would halt for the football. This, and the consequential need to play a 30-over match, we found out on arrival. Mike Chetwode and Steve Isaac had their first minor fit of the day, not being particularly into either football or limited-overs cricket.

Chetwode takes up the story. “After getting over the shock, Johnny Gates won the toss (I've no idea who won the toss but let's blame him) and elected to field first on the hottest day of the year. Chetwode and Isaac had another fit. Eight overs later, our opening attack with a combined age of 92 retired having kept the young guns of East Horsley down to something approaching nine an over. Ed Henderson and Ru Hume then took up the attack and kept the rate reasonably in check at the same time as picking up regular wickets (two each, I believe). Gates finally bought himself on and managed to drop his usual dolly. This time it was off his own bowling. A final total of 238 off thirty overs left us with quite a lot to do.”

Despite the eagerness to watch the World Cup, Chetwode had won a minor victory. “I told Gates (and anyone else within earshot) that once we'd started, we weren't going to stop until we'd bowled the thirty overs so, 1:30 to about 3:30 then back out at about 4:20 (after a couple of Jerries had sunk the good ship I suggested there wasn't much point in watching anymore and I wanted to get back to watch Top Gear).”

In 1995 we had made a similar arrangement to allow us to watch the Rugby World Cup semi-final between England and Jonah Lomu. Another one-sided affair, and another mutually agreed earlier return to cricket as interest in events in South Africa dissipated.


“Five goals later (should have been six, apparently) and we headed back out with about 20 minutes of the poofball to go. Nathan Ross, in his farewell appearance before returning to Australia, didn't last long but Hume and Mark Shapland pushed the scoring along. Hume was caught behind trying to smote another boundary but Shapland and Will Howard upped the scoring rate.

“Howard went to a very good fifty and fours and sixes were interspersed with conversation about Shappers' sex life. The umpire wanted to know more. Enough said here, though. Shapland got to a maiden OC fifty playing very straight and then ran out of steam. Once Howard, Shapland and Rob Merry (another one off to Australia within the week) went in quick succession, we needed fifty odd off four overs. Merry T was starting to open his shoulders and, along with Chetwode got the target down to ten off the last over. A six off the second ball got the target down to four off four but Chetwode was bowled trying to hit the winning boundary. Three were needed for a win off the last ball, and Tom Merry was run out going for the second which gave East Horsley a win by one run.

“A very good day only spoilt by some of the young oppo believing that England had a hope of beating Germany and wanting to watch. That'll teach them!”

Rosenfeldt puffs as we come up short at Esher

Esher 239 (50.5 overs - Tallent 73, Moores 49, Porter 4-40, Chetwode 2-47, Copleston 2-50) drew with Old Cranleighans 232 for 6 (44 overs – Gates 61, Merry 58, Copleston 53, Ahmed 2-45)

Fresh from back-to-back wins the previous weekend under Henry Watkinson, the captaincy was handed to Tristan Rosenfeldt. After listening to his self-promotion while we trekked across India, it was time for the big man to show everyone whether he was all hot air. Signs that it was came when he immediately announced it was “without doubt a prouder moment than my future wedding or first-born’s birth will be”.


On a pitch in wonderful condition, Esher won the toss and confidently decided to bat. With one short boundary and a lush outfield, it certainly looked a day for the batsmen. This was proved to be the case when after 27 overs of the new regime, with the skipper relying on Mike Chetwode and Alex Craven to get the early wicket, Esher were trundling along comfortably on 117 for 0. This score certainly did not reflect the quality of bowling, but emphasised the woeful fielding. The absence of Damien Hill (who stumbled out of a Clapham nightclub the night before and no doubt made a few 3 or 4am phone calls to certain female members of the OCCC India tour before eventually hitting the sack) from the field for the first hour didn’t help.


Johnny Gates, a man with a burgeoning reputation for not being able to catch a cold, shelled two in as many overs to take his season’s tally of drops to four, much to Chetwode’s amusement. Chetwode bowled his usual tight line, a perfect example to many of the youngsters playing and was unlucky not to have a better haul to his name.


The breakthrough came when Moores was caught behind by Rob Merry, via the back of the bat as he shaped to sweep Hill. It was at this point that Chris Porter came into the attack. Taking just a few balls to get into his stride, he took his first wicket of the day in his second over with a ball that jumped … cue wild celebrations and a Porter clenched fist.


It was a renewed buzz and atmosphere around the field that greeted Sohail Ahmed (one unnamed OC, finding out he was a Pakistani Academy player, chirping “well, you’re gonna be embarrassed when you get a duck”). It is his third season at Esher and he has no doubt adapted to Surrey life wonderfully, and promptly got off the mark with a well struck six. However, life at the Academy had in no way prepared him for Eds Copleston.


Having been found out on the turning wickets of the subcontinent as a man who offers no spin at all, Copleston and Porter become our very own Warne and MacGill. After being smacked for 10 in his first over, Copleston deceived Sohail with a cleverly flighted, slower, held-back delivery that dropped marginally short of the man at wide mid-on. He was clearly flustered, and Porter immediately picked him off, caught well at deep mid-on by Chetwode, exorcising the demons of the week before and his knuckle staying firmly within his skin.


This started a mini collapse. Copleston took a slip catch to remove Esher opener Tallent for a well made 73. Trusty, in only his 2nd game for us and a tennis player at school, showed his cricketing credentials with some solid ground fielding and topped off an outfielding performance with a well-judged catch in the covers … the same, however, couldn’t be said for Mark Shapland, who shelled an easy enough chance to deny Porter his first five-for for the club. The stares exchanged between them were reminiscent of the times Mark failed to deliver the bread and milk within three minutes of the break time bell going. A definite no-no.


Porter bowled well throughout and ended up with 4 for 40. Copleston picked up two wickets for his efforts, Rob Merry with some sharp glovework to get a stumping and Eds bowling the one that went “straight on” (the variation in action so very hard for the naked eye to pick up on). It was down to Craven and Chetwode to come back and polish off the tail with, backed up well with some good catching in the outfield, particularly from Jon Greeves, university housemate of Hill (the man who joined in the fielding banter with a scream of the name ‘Michael Jackson’, we still don’t know why). Between innings the teams trudged off for a wonderful BBQ and a couple of well-earned drinks.


Gates walked out purposefully - and full of chicken, steak and several sausages - to open the innings with Shapland, both being given a chance to make up for their dropped catches. Gates started well, looking solid in defence. This lasted all of four balls when Gates tentatively prodded one to mid-on and backing it up with a call of “Yes … no … wait ... no … yes … shit” which left Shapland run out without facing a ball. Shapland joined Sam Langmead as early-season victims of Gates’s calling.


Rob Merry, batting at No. 3, started his innings without the same fluidity he had the previous week, playing and missing at a few outside off stump, the run rate slowly rising. Gates on the other hand looked like a man with a point to prove, driving beautifully through the off and tucking away delicately off his legs. Merry found his touch, hitting two big sixes to overtake Gates and record his second consecutive fifty off 65 balls, including four fours in six balls. He was bowled, bringing Porter to the crease. He eased himself back into batting with a couple of solid fours before yorking himself with some poor foot movement.

At the start of the last 20 we were 116 for 3, 124 needed. Copleston kept us up with the run rate as Gates reached only his second OC fifty off 77 balls in a flurry of boundaries, before losing his head and being stumped for 61.

Copleston then took charge of the chase, running between the wickets like a man possessed and making a run-a-ball fifty, even though Esher were leaning heavily on Sohail who was tough to get away. Hill did a fine job in rotating the strike and proved to all that he can do a role at different times of the innings, particularly finding the straight boundary.


When Hill departed, sharply caught behind when trying to force one through the off, the game was evenly poised, but it turned when Sohail had Copleston caught superbly by Ahmed at deep mid-off for a well constructed 53.

Twenty off two overs was never going to be easy and the pedestrian Rosenfeldt and Greeves struggled to get the bowling away, not for lack of trying. Rosenfeldt, who perseveres with an over-tight shirt as if wearing it will defy the laws of calorific intake, showed his worth when he pulled a buttock muscle while swishing – in a John Inman manner – and missing. It rounded off a wretched day for the would-be skipper, but underlined he has the swollen ego and lack of fitness that the job demands.

We finished eight light but it was a great early-season game and at least Rosenfeldt avoided the humiliation of squandering our unbeaten record.

Merry on song to sink Horsley

OCCC 268 for 6 (39.3 overs – Merry 88, Jupp 46, Gates 43, Shapland 28, Hammond 22, Seipp 3 for 45) beat East Horsley 156 (Brown 56, Drake 45, Hill 3 for 2, Langmead 3 for 34, Treadwell 2 for 50, Craven 1 for 25, Watkinson 1 for 34) by 112 runs

After a crushing victory the day before, a majority of the Follies Farm team carried on their tour up the A3 to Horsley met by another gloriously sunny day and a track that looked more mid-summery than late-April.

The captain won the toss and with three people at the ground on time, decided to bat on what looked a good track. Sam Langmead and Jonny Gates strode purposefully to the crease, safe in the knowledge that a pre-season in India would stand them in good stead. This certainly looked to be the case when Langmead slapped his first ball into the huge extra-cover boundary and the duo ran four, before he then flicked his next ball over square leg for six - the start we all wanted. This optimism was premature when Gates dropped one into the midwicket region and called Langmead through for a risky single which resulted in a direct hit and Langmead dragging himself back to the pavilion with a long, hard (fully deserved) stare at Gates.

Harry Jupp came in at No. 3, fresh from a duck the previous day, but he got this monkey off his back with some glorious driving, being particularly ruthless off his legs, hooking one which flew like a bullet right into the pavilion roof. This was all after Gates had spent the two balls after running out Langmead desperately trying to run out his old school 1st XI opening partner, his calling leaving a lot to be desired.

These two together started to look the part, though, picking up from where they left off at school in 2003. Graeme Brown, playing for Horsley, came in for some severe punishment, particularly from Jupp and finished with 0 for 50 from six painful overs. Gates was also looking a real class act, particularly through the off side - hopefully this is going to be the year he starts to convert his starts into really big scores. Both were keeping the score ticking over nicely before perishing in quick succession, Gates to a rising delivery caught behind and Jupp to a somewhat dubious LBW decision - whatever happened to favourable early season umpiring Curly Craven???

This brought Rob Merry and his lump of an Indian bat to the crease. £100 (petty cash to Rob!) invested in Mumbai looked to be a very poor purchase until he drew a silence from the crowd by getting off the mark for the season with a cover drive that was over the boundary before the bowler has even finished his follow through - it was a sign of things to come. Supporting Rob at the other end was Dom Hammond, wicket-keeper/batsman, who played some delicate and precise sweeps and paddles as well as some rasping square drives before gloving behind.

Mark Shapland, self proclaimed man of leisure (while waiting to bat Mark was asked “When you go abroad what do you put as your occupation Mark?” to which he responded “Hero…”) but never to score the runs his correct technique deserves, made a quickfire 28, putting every inch of effort he had into hitting the ball off the square but possessing an ability to time the ball beautifully and hitting the gap, a summer of runs beckons for Mr Shapland. He entered the closing overs still occupying the crease with Merry, before he was stumped running down the wicket in an attempt to increase the run rate. Watkinson, batting far too low at No. 7, came out and started to find the middle of the bat after facing only two balls in India, a couple of well hit boundaries are sure to add to his confidence and reaffirm his position as a genuine allrounder, particularly with high standard Cricketer Cup games this season.

While all this was going on, Merry was continuing to show no respect to any form of bowling, hitting the ball to all corners of the park, with a wagon wheel of excitement the World Cup has been crying out for. He reached his 50 in only 28 balls (Rikki Clarke making 82 in the same amount for Surrey that same day, come on Rob, pick it up!) and marching towards the elusive three figures. He looked well set, and the only chance he gave up was when he lofted one to deep mid wicket and the fielder was unable to pluck the ball out the air. If it was even possible, he upped the tempo and many watching were glad they were not having to field against a man in that form. The end of his innings however was far from glorious, trying a cross between Mal Loye’s sweep against the quicker stuff and KP’s ‘flamingo’, Merry got himself in all sorts of a tangle and ended up being clean bowled, much to his annoyance, and only 12 short of what would have been a well-deserved and highly-memorable maiden OC hundred.

It was at this moment that Watkinson decided enough was enough and declared the innings. We went for a fully deserved tea, and Merry pretended he didn’t care he had just had a complete moment of madness within touching distance of a hundred (Only the best make it through the nervous 80’s and 90’s at the first attempt Rob!). After a lunch spent with ham, cucumber and egg sandwiches whilst watching tennis (who could have guessed we were in Surrey!) the team went out on to the field charged up and ready to take the same aggressive bowling and fielding performance seen the previous day. The presence of the chairman proving an inspiration to the youngsters proudly wearing the OC shirt.

Brown came out and took guard opening the Horsley innings and was faced with a barrage of sledging, digs and aggressive bowling. He took his time to find his feet, surviving some close LBW shouts before upping the ante with a strut down the crease and a well timed punch over mid on for 6, a quality shot met with glares and a next ball bouncer from the skipper. Watkinson opened the bowling again, successfully, and in tandem with Alex Craven at the other end, they picked up two early wickets between them through consistent and accurate bowling with an old ball doing absolutely nothing off the pitch or through the air.

Brown kept the score ticking over with some gorgeous straight batted cricket shots and Horsley were up with the asking rate of only six or seven an over, highly gettable on that wicket with the quick outfield. It was the loss of Brown that hurt Horsley, padding up to a Langmead delivery one too many times and being given out leg-before, a fantastic knock of 56 showing that he certainly can bat when being sledged and abused, Opponents take note, Brown is the OC Mike Atherton, not worth sledging him, its not going to work!

Drake for Horsley, the current RGS 1st XI captain, carried on the fight, keeping the asking rate down to around a run a ball, but wickets started to fall around him. Langmead bowled a superb spell of consistent, probing bowling and fully deserved his figures of 3 for 34 and Tim Treadwell, our Old-Wellingtonian ringer for the day, sent down some well thought out off-spinners and took two crucial wickets, including that of Drake. Jupp helped finish off the innings with two well-taken and well-judged catches in the outfield having been banished from the slips, these catches putting a smile back on his face having skulked around the outfield like a stroppy teenager! Horsley had the wind taken out of their sails and the final thee wickets were taken by the main man himself, Damien Hill, including two in two balls which leaves him on a hat-trick for the Esher game this coming Sunday.

All in all, a top early season performance, punishing with the bat, probing with the ball and energetic in the field. Watkinson led the way with two direct hits, narrowly missing out on run-outs, although it wasn’t as good for his Headstart colleague Gates, who dropped a chance for the second day in a row. The team left the field in high spirits with all creating ways of dodging match fees, the worst of which being Langmead who tried to talk his way out of the payment despite having a graduate job and driving a Porsche … a definite fine!
Tristan Rosenfeldt