The longest day

The day from hell started at 5am as the rain continued to lash down on Chandigarh as it had done for the previous day and a half. The 5.30am start was somewhat compromised by the antics of Damon Hill, who had barely got to bed before he was rudely awakened. He fled into the shower and refused to come out. When the lights were turned off in a bid to extricate him, there was silence and then a plaintiff wail: “Oh my God, I’ve gone blind.” He was subsequently dressed, threatened and dragged onto the bus.

The station was wet and chaotic, and the we only just managed to load all the bags on board before the train pulled out. The journey itself was subdued but we were in a class higher than on the outward trip, and so we had a little more luxury. Few of us were sorry to see the back of the city and none expressed any desire for a speedy return.

Delhi station was much as we left it, and allowed Rick to endulge in his favourite pastime of haggling prices with the porters. After 10 minutes he drove them down from 10p a bag to 8p. It was a bargain as we had to walk for quite some way past a mass of people, bags, animals and rubbish. Pete Hobbs tried to befriend a rather soul looking cow and ended almost being gored for his pains.

At the airport we found that we were massively overweight and paid a hefty baggage excess, although Henry charmed the check-in lady into a reduction. Rick’s mother, who had joined us an hour earlier, showed that there is something to be said for heredity by finding on arrival at the terminal that she had left her bag at the hotel.

The flight was uneventful, although Eds Copleston was conned into believing that one engine had failed while Ed Henderson did his best to clear the cabin with some remarkable gaseous explosions. The captain also had some in-flight banter which was actually worse than Rick’s.

We finally arrived at the luxurious hotel at about 7.30pm, 14 hours after we had set off. The rest of the evening was subdued, to say the least.

Dick of the Day Damian Hill. This was done and dusted before sunrise thanks to his remarkable early-morning antics. He professed to remember little of what happened, which is just as well as he could not recall being repeatedly slapped by Henderson and Martin Williamson.