A win to end the tour

Click here for the day's photos

The final match of the tour and the last chance for new but under-fire captain Eds Copleston to rescue his shredded reputation. The day started with a fascinating tour of one of South Africa’s biggest townships and from there moved on to the match. The intended venue at had, sadly, fallen victim to vandalism and looting and cricket there has all but died out. Nevertheless, we had an opposition, although our travelling support was issued with strict orders not to move from immediately in front of the pavilion … it seems the previous side had ignored this rule and had paid the price.

We batted first and yet again our top order failed to fire, proof if it were needed that combining excessive alcohol and no sleep is no way to prepare for a game. Matt Crump made 23 but it wasn’t until Damian Hill thumped 29 and with Alex Craven and Mike Roper making late runs, we were able to post 152 for 8. Tristan Rosenfeldt’s tour came to an end when he was hit on the finger, his you-can-get-gloves-cheaply-in-Mumbai equipment offering as much protection as a meringue. He departed muttering “when will bloody India stop haunting me” only to reappear with a comedy bandage on his hand, more befitting someone who had trapped his hand in a machine.

It seemed as if it would be four losses in four when we conceded 11 wides in the first five overs as the home side raced to 34 for 0. But then we suddenly found some bottle. Michael Chetwode restored some much-needed control and then part-time spinners Matt and Tom Crump and Alan Cope chipped away at the batting. There were still some glitches – Tom Crump managed an 11-ball over – and the odd dropped catch, but we still put ourselves in a winning position before some late jitters took the match almost to the wire. Cool heads prevailed and as the run-rate climbed, we grabbed the last two wickets and finally had our win on tour.

Presentations followed – we waited to see if Copleston would use the same “this is the most beautiful ground we have played at” speech but even he realised that would be too much – which included handing over more Alive and Kicking footballs. A detour at a township bar – where the “barmaid” served from behind a Fort Knox-like system of grills – followed before we headed home.

After a brief pit stop we headed to Newlands for the end-of-tour dinner in the chairman’s dining room. We took the group photo in the middle with Table Mountain in the background and headed inside. Within minutes we were back out on the square to have another group photo, this time including the Johnsons who, inevitably, were late. Not Rick’s fault. Obviously.

The dinner was followed by closing fines and awards. The batsman of the tour was Damian Hill, the bowler Michael Chetwode, the fielder Tom Merry, and the overall Man of the Tour Keith Crump, whose uncomplaining good humour and ability to ignore the worst excesses of his sons was an example to all.

A few late-tour arguments ended the evening, various pubs were visited and the last of the squad returned to the hotel at 10am, complete with lurid tales.