Bathroom tiles, limbo batting and VaselineEd Henderson interviews ... Steve Bailey

I'm delighted that Kit Bag has agreed to be my latest victim. This interview actually commenced over email in late December and only finished on 22 January! Kit Bag has always been one of the nicest guys around but what makes him tick?

A young Steve Bailey batting on Speech Day in 1997

As you are an OCCC veteran now there may be a swathe of younger club members who don't know you. Please introduce yourself.

I’m Steve Bailey (a.k.a KitBag at the OCCC).  My cricket has been in increasingly unmanaged decline since playing some reasonable stuff at prep school back in 1985. I don’t play much these days as I haven’t got the ball off the square since 2003 and I haven’t been allowed to bowl since one opposition captain was so offended by my legspin he threatened to call off the game – I don’t much like fielding either.

Anyone reading this interview will want to know one thing before anything else. Why 'Kit Bag'?

You may need to direct that question to former chairman Rick Johnson. As I recall there was an existing (unrelated) Kit Bag already in the 1st XI but his name was changed to Rotundor at which point I became Kit Bag – just one of those in the wrong place at the wrong time things I think.
[Rick Johnson]: The answer is incorrect - KB Steve is indeed the original article. My body has always been too round.  KB is simply a reflection of his physique - boxy and accommodating. He acquired the name almost on arrival.

To be absolutely clear, Rick Johnson and Rotundor are different people?

Yes, terrifying as it sounds there was a predecessor to both Rotundor and Kit Bag - technically you should probably refer to Rotundor/Kit Bag Jnr.

If there was to be a successor to you in this line of distinguished gentlemen of a certain shape, who might it be?

I don't think there will be, there's just too much salad around these days.

Ok, I couldn't have teed up Tristan Rosenfeldt as the answer to that question any higher but you declined to name him (or Jock for that matter). Maybe it was the word' gentlemen' that precluded those answers.

I was amused to learn that Tristan is Facebook friends with Ronald McDonald (wonder what they talk about) but even he is into salad these days but I guess if anyone can do it ....

How were your early years in the OCCC? Were you collared straight after leaving?

I played the OC vs School game the year after I left and was run out which seems an appropriate introduction. I started playing regularly after being recruited by Simon Copleston in a Guildford nightclub (Cinderellas for those old enough to remember it) in 1995 when we were at Law School. I went along and was immediately impressed by the childishness of most of the people there, e.g. shaving cream in gloves, Vaseline on bat grips (though I still don’t know why anyone would need either of those things during cricket week). On a slightly more serious note I have been fortunate to play some (mostly) good cricket on fabulous grounds with great people and Rick.

Evasive action in Antigua

I imagine you can recall that day in 2003 when you last got the ball off the square. Perhaps we should qualify that with 'in front of square'. I don't want to strip you of the few third man boundaries I have seen in recent years. What was this memorable shot of 13 years ago?

That’s very kind of you Hendo. I don’t really recall – Williamson keeps telling me it so it must be true – at a guess it went somewhere in the vague direction of cow corner.

If we may dwell on your batting for just a little longer – I'm sorry I realise this is uncomfortable territory – I have heard various accounts (fond ones it must be said) of your playing of hostile, short-pitched bowling on the 1997 Antigua tour. What was your method and how successful do you think it was?

It was more self-preservation than there being any real method to speak of and was improvised as a result of me not having a lid with me though in hindsight it might have been a good tour to take one. It was likened to limbo dancing which sounds about right. It was successful in the survival sense less so in terms of weight of runs.

Out of curiosity, what then happened in the event of a Yorker?

Don't know didn't get any but you end up on your arse.

The Cinderella twins open up in Mombassa

Let me now transport you a few hundred miles north-west. On one occasion you arrived in Sarasota for the 6-a-side tournament £150 poorer having been charged for excessively excessive baggage. How did you manage to rack up such a charge?

The bag felt quite heavy when I tried to take it off the trolley and all the straps broke. I found about 100 bathroom tiles in it when I unpacked at the hotel at the other end, probably just a coincidence but I have seen the same ones at Williamson's house.

So you got the bag all the way to the airport check in without noticing its unusual weight? Were you 
under the influence?

Hungover for sure - we stayed at Johnson's the night before I think and one of those two put my bag in the cab and on the trolley which along with the giggling should have made my more suspicious.

That is a fantastic practical joke. Well done Martin and Rick. 

I think you mean grow up you juvenile buffoons.

The club's older statesmen in deep conversation

How many tours have you done now and which one stands out?

Five major tours and a few trips to Sarasota which were always a laugh. Lots of good times and all were great in different ways. I only did the three days in Mumbai for the India trip which wasn’t long enough for that to count (and they still haven’t brought me the cup of tea I ordered on the first morning). Kenya was a great trip but I had much more fun off the field than on it. Sri Lanka would have been great but for the monsoons, the Arak and the busted hand - I did it dropping a catch off Chetwode – when I told him I had to go off  to get it stitched up the only thing I heard him say, under his breath, was “good.”. Captaining the side at the Bradman Oval was special in Oz All in all I think Antigua wins being the first - the island, people, cricket all brilliant, winning the opener at the Rec – the old international ground – and drinking Wadadli in the outfield as the sun went down will take
some beating.

You mentioned captaincy. You were club captain but only for a year, is that right? Tell me about that.

It was two, covering Watkinson's Australia years (they gave us Kylie, we gave them Henry), though I spent most of one of those seasons not playing with broken fingers. On occasion we struggled to get sides out to be honest - a low point was trying to reorganise the shift rota of the waiters in the Curry Inn on Saturday night so I could get two of them to open the bowling on the Sunday. I like to think those were the years when the foundation stones were laid for the clubs' current success though I'd be slightly surprised if anyone else saw them in the same way.

Sampling culture in Sri Lanka

Let's move to more recent times. How do you view the state of the club now and how is it different to the one you first joined?

It seems to be in great health with the number and quality of cricketers coming out of the school - the main difference is clearly playing in the Cricketer Cup and the success the club has had in that competition since joining has been incredible. Nothing much seems to have changed off the field.

Let me probe your knowledge a little more forensically and draw you away from the classic healthy club/Cricketer Cup soundbites. Which two players under 25 are you most excited about within the club?

I don't really know anyone under 25 – my box is older than that.

Oh! You are hosting an OCCC dinner party – please choose one 'youngster', one 'vet', a WAG and a wild card and tell me why.

I'm going with Crumpy (is he a youngster?) for general naughtiness, Mac to keep order, Louise Chetwode who is always a laugh and Justin Bieber.

Mac is a Belieber I imagine.

Yes I beliebe so.

Crump, whichever one you're talking about – maybe you didn't realise there were two – is definitely a Belieber. Will you tour again? Perhaps bring the family? Where would you like to go?

Unlikely as a player – it would need to be somewhere interesting and which would work as a holiday too – Kenya or Sri Lanka perhaps.

I like to finish off with a bit of quickfire. Only short answers required. Here we go. What do you think of Simon and Edward Copleston?

Legends both.

Absolutely drenched in sarcasm that. Ok moving on...last over, you're batting, 17 required. Which OC bowler would you most like to face?

Myself

At your pace that would actually be possible. Would you rather paddle down the Nile (the rural bits with  crocs) in a kayak with (a) Mike Chase (b) Will Howard (c) Paul Vickers. Why?

Chasey - he has boating qualifications and if it came to it would probably be the easiest to throw over the side.

Who would you like to see as Prime Minister in five years time?

Donald Trump if possible (he has a Scottish mother I think) - failing that Boris Johnson. I think you need good hair and a sense of humour to do the job.  

Best novel you have ever read?

No Country for Old Men or anything else by Cormac McCarthy; This Thing of Darkness.

Naughtiest thing you ever did at school?

I did more than my fair share of stupid things and went to the pub quite a lot but at the risk of sounding slightly lame I'm not sure I did that much that was naughty.

Finally what role do you see yourself playing within OCCC in the coming year?

Injury permitting I will try and play in a couple of games other than that I'm starting to enjoy having a glass of wine and chuntering from the boundary - I'll be around a bit.

Kit Bag thank you, I am extremely grateful. I hope everyone enjoys finding out a little more about you. 

See you in the season.