Cricket week 2003 ... the awards

Batsman of the Week: Henry Watkinson
Henry was at his belligerent best throughout, leading the charge against Grasshoppers with a quickfire fifty and regularly upping the tempo of an innings in his own style.

Bowler of the Week: Graeme Brown
A long-service reward for Shorts, who was used to keep one end ticking over while the big guns rested (or hid from the first-class batsmen). Brown took the scalps of Trevor Gripper, Hamish Marshall and Matt Church to name three.

Innings of the Week: Rick Johnson
Rick showed that he can play real cricket when the occasion demands with a thoroughly entertaining 60 against Grasshoppers. He also came second in the voting for giving a large assembly huge delight by being bowled for 0 to the second ball of the week.

Shot of the Week: Pete Hobbs/Richard Seeckts/Graeme Brown
Close call, this. All three shots came as we tried to draw the tedious game against Wanderers. Hobbs aimed a massive heave at a straight one ("I was bored"), then Seeckts tried to smack Gripper out of the ground ("I bet him I could hit him for six"), and as captain Watkinson grew increasingly angry, Brown capped it all by charging down the wicket to Gripper and being stumped by such a margin that it could have been classifed as a run out ("He hit me for six, I wanted a go back at him"). Brown's was filth, but Hobbs returned to find his team-mates had formed a 'corrdior of shame' for him to walk through.

Bowling Performance of the Week: Ed Henderson
OK, Michael Chetwode might have got more wickets, but Hendo's amazing return of 8-7-1-2 against Old Aldenhamians is about as good as it can get for an opening bowler in a cup competition. The one run he conceded was a wide off his fourth ball - his next 42 balls were runless.

Fielder of the Week: Sam Langmead
Chased everything, perfected the sliding stop-and-throw, has a good, accurate arm, and most importantly responded to a yell of "hard in" from Chetwode at the bowler's end with a exocet from about 15 yards which left the great man spreadeagled on the ground clutching his midriff.

Catch of the Week: Simon Copleston
A remarkable catch from Simon at short midwicket off Martin Williamson to end an opening stand of 52 by the Celeriacs. A held-back ball (long hop) was middled by the unlucky opener hard to Simon's right and no more than two inches off the ground. Simon flung himself, held the ball, and leapt to his feet with a hard-man's stare and no emotion, as if to indicate to the batsman that this was routine for him. If only he knew …

Over of the Week: Henry Watkinson v Surrey Cryptics
Another award for the captain. Chasing runs as the declaration loomed, Henry announced that he would prove he was a big hitter. The first ball went high but straight to mid-on who dropped a rotuine catch - 2 runs. The second ball was lofted towards long off who should have been on the fence but being an OC (Paul Goss) he had drifted and the ball looped over his head for four. The third ball was blocked. The fourth ball was skyed to square leg for another routine chance but again it was dropped - 2 runs. The fifth ball was again smacked to Goss at long off; Goss, lambasted by his captain for "not being on the rope, you twat" had learned his lesson. Again the ball sailed over his head as he charged in, another four. The last ball was an edged single. Four dropped catches in five balls. Good hitting, Waffer.

Drop of the Week: Henry Watkinson/Anonymous
The identity of the gentleman who dropped the Old Georgians' opener (who went on to get 116) off the first ball of the match - and a sitter at that - will remain a secret as it was his first appearance for the club. So instead Watkinson wins the award for a plethora of missed chances (he did take some good ones in his defence) the best being his drop off the same OG batsmen the very ball after he had loudly reminded his fielders that they "have to hold on to any chances".

Chat-up Line the Week: Henry Watkinson
No contest as the captain crashed and burned in a Guildford nightclub. The recipient of Henry's "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Barbara Streisand?" line was so unimpressed that she hit him several times, cutting his lip in the process. "She had a big nose," explained Watkinson.

Woman's Arm of the Week: Graeme Brown
Not a good week for Brownie's machismo reputation. Having mocked Simon Copleston's throw, Brown, previously thought to have a good arm, failed to get within 10 yards of Simon's worst effort (and within 20 yards of anyone else's) during the Sunday night challenge. By Thursday he was being asked to show just how feeble his arm was to opposing players. His humiliation was completed when he was out-thrown by a woman on the final day of the week.

Conman of the Week: Rick Johnson
Rick's determination to disprove rumours that he has the drinking capacity of a fourth-former ended in a 60 in 60 challenge (60 shots glasses of beer in 60 minutes). Rick triumphed, seeing off Watkinson whose challenge ended on his 57th glass. But a subsequent weights-and-measures examination revealed that Rick's glass was two-third's of the size of the others used in the competition. Rick denied the accusation but the question marks over his capacity to drink remain.

Wreck of the Week
No contest. Hobbsy, despite being just 29, behaved like a 50-year-old on the pitch and a 15-year-old off it. No woman was safe while Hobbsy prowled or lounged in the swimming pool, but once he donned the whites he hobbled his way round the outfield, bowled a few overs and grimaced.

Another memorable week

Click here for the 2003 Cricket Week Awards

A pluperfect Jubilee track made the 2003 week a hard slog for the bowlers, a slow outfield made it hard for the fielders, and some silly drinking games made it hard for the batsmen. The docile nature of the wicket was highlighted by the fact that only one side was bowled out all week - a below-strength Aldenham side in the Brewers Cup quarter-final on the second Sunday.

We kicked off with the second annual match against the Sam Watkinson XI and for a time it looked as if we might be in with a chance of victory chasing 230, but then Sam took four wickets in three overs, including a hat-trick, and we had to shut up shop, ending on 185 for 8. On the Sunday we beat Celeriacs, the last-minute replacements for the cup-tied Etonians, by seven wickets.

On Monday we had the best game of the week against the Grasshoppers. They declared on 260 for 6, built around 90 from Kiwi international Hamish Marshall, and our chase was led by a entertaining 60 from Rick Johnson and a solid farewell 40 from Clem Williams. We slipped well behind the clock until Henry Watkinson blasted a quickfire 50, but we called off the chase at 250 for 9 with four balls remaining.

We travelled to Georgians on Tuesday and were kept in the field in 90 degree heat by a declaration which was delayed as the Georgians weren't ready to take the field! The offer of extending the match by 15 minutes to make up for the delay was declined - wisely as it turned out as our last pair held firm as we scraped a draw.

On Wednesday the weather turned and the match against Tonbridge was washed out at lunchtime after less than 70 minutes play. Out inaugural fixture against Charterhouse on Thursday never got going after overnight drizzle left the square too wet to play.

The sunshine returned on the Friday but, sadly, the game against Wanderers was one best forgotten. Zimbabwe Test opener Trevor Gripper made a hundred - aided by some glaring drops - as Wanderers batted on, and then any chance of a positive result was snuffed out when they kept their opening bowlers on for far too long. We needed eight an over at tea, and started the last 20 overs requiring 208 to win. Opening the game up consisted of getting Gripper to seal up one end with his offbreaks. In the end we almost capitulated as two batsmen committed suicide through boredom (Hobbs and Seeckts) and one through insanity (Brown), as we ended on 109 for 8.

On Saturday we went down by six wickets to Surrey Cryptics, despite half-centuries from David Westcott and Sam Watkinson, and an entertaining cameo from Henry Watkinson during which he managed to be dropped four times in five balls. We failed to hold our chances and the Cryptics batted well.

The final match was the Brewers Cup tie against 2001 winners Old Aldenhamians. They were weakened by absences at a wedding and were rolled over inside three hour, bowled out for 52 with Michael Chetwode taking 5 for 3 and Ed Henderson returning the remarkable figures of 8-7-1-2 (and the one was a wide).

As ever the behaviour of those taking part was exemplary. Rick Johnson won the "drink 60 shots of beer in 60 minutes" competition, but a subsequent examination revealed that his glass was two-third's the size of runner-up Henry Watkinson who managed 57 shots. Brown lost the Rawalpindi Roulette in the Curry Inn and suffered the rest of the week, while also showing that he has by far the worst arm in the club. His humiliation was completed on Sunday when he was out-thrown by a lady. Eds Copleston won the Lord Lucan award, strangely preferring the company of his new blonde girlfriend to that of a bunch of unwashed, smelly OCs. Pete Hobbs hobbled around all week as living proof that there is such a thing as a crippled twenty-something, only perking up when under-20 females were in the vicinity. All in all, a fairly typical cricket week.